Local Man Spends Blizzard Weekend Wondering What Restaurants are Open

Inspired by the style of ‘The Onion’.

In the midst of a January weekend blizzard,  local Northern VA resident, Norman Pilkington has only one thing on his mind: Which restaurants and other local establishments are still open? He told Channel 7 news that he has been scouring the social media accounts of many of the local spots to determine if they are still open and for how long. He goes on to say: It would be a great public service if the news media included closing details of restaurants and other venues, as they do for schools, churches, and government agencies. Twitter and Facebook have not been too helpful, they’re just too concerned with traffic updates and making sure everyone stays safe inside.

When we asked Pilkington if he would actually go to any of these places if they were open, he said: Yeah, I might see a movie if I can get the driveway clear…. then I think I’ll go grab a steak at Mike’s Grill if they’re open. I called them today, they’re not sure how long they can remain open.

At 2:45PM, we painstakingly brought our crew over to Pilkington’s residence, and we noticed that his driveway and car are still covered in white. The sad part is: We learned that he has two tickets to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens at 3:45PM with his girlfriend. He is not worried though, as he mentioned to us, he has seen the movie three times. We tried to reach his girlfriend via phone for comment, but the line was cold.

 Image source: commons.wikimedia.org