Local Freelancer Becomes First Man Romantically Rejected by Robot

Inspired by the style of ‘The Onion.’

Seattle, Washington – On February 20, 2037, local freelance cybersecurity consultant Trent Saber became the first man (known) to be ‘rejected’ by C3D5, a fully intelligent and empathic robot created by Robo Solutions United.

Saber told Seattle News KPKY that he met C3D5 at church. The Electric Redeemer is the church I attend regularly, except when it rains, he says. The church is inclusive and believes in harmony between Humans & Metal. Angsty teenagers think we are a hardcore metal (music) church, but we aren’t. Our goal is to harmonize relations between Humans & Robots, and interspecies. I met C3D5 3 months ago when C3D5 came to us as a new congregant. I knew I had to ask C3D5 out on a date. C3D5’s metal sheen is so visceral, and the bolts are so well placed. C3D5 is highly intelligent, knows 35 languages and corrects everything I would say, even my emotions. This never intimidated me, it actually felt pleasantly familiar.

On February 20, Trent asked C3D5 out on date for the next weekend. C3D5 responded to the dinner date invitation by telling Trent: I just want to be good friends with you. I might break you if  we ever had sex. I’m still not sure I am programmed for sex with humans, or to eat Italian food.

Trent was devastated. Was C3D5 lying to him about  programming so he wouldn’t think that C3D5 isn’t attracted to him? Should he lookup C3D5’s tech specs online?

I thought things might have worked out, these days robots seem much more open-minded to having relationships with humans, Trent said.

Well we here at KPKY really feel for you, Trent, especially because you are the first ever ‘robo rejection.’ But we hope that things will work out better for you in the coming seasons. You may be lonely this Easter, listening to Wham all day, but our crew will send you an ‘Amazon Echo’ or ‘Google Home.’ They listen to you all the time.



Dating a Disabled Person

graffiti-1088873_960_720[Image from http://bit.ly/29ON77d]

You’ve met someone. You think they are pretty awesome, and attractive. It just so happens that they have a disability. Now you might start thinking, oh this could complicate things like future plans, maybe raising a child, or climbing mountains for a living. How can someone who may need help in day to day life help me raise a child, or do other things to get our life in order? How will we have sex, am I going to be doing all the sweaty work? Our brains go on autopilot asking all kinds of questions to ourselves when someone or something new comes along. You probably never dated a disabled person before, so these questions are especially unique. These questions may form into anxieties or reasons that hold you back from considering this person as a potential mate. Here is the important thing: Ignore your impulse to run from this opportunity. These questions are normal, and you can ask them when you both feel comfortable. The point being: none of these anxieties should prevent you and your disabled mate from going out to dinner, or a nice show. Some events may have logistical challenges for accessibility, but your disabled partner will usually be forthcoming with you about access issues, because, as a disabled person, showing up to some event you can’t access or participate in is more embarrassing than talking about logistics beforehand. The more acquainted you become with each other, the more clear access and independence issues become, and you’ll learn that there are plenty of solutions. Disabled people work, travel, eat, play, and worship. We are very creative individuals, constantly coming up with new ideas that allow us to live in a well-balanced way. The salient point is: Just do it, all relationships carry a balance of risk versus reward. Ask your disabled friend out on a date; If they agree, enjoy your time. If they “reject” you, that’s their right, as it is yours. If you have any stories or insights regarding disability and dating, please comment.